Have you ever seen one of those sketchy ice cream trucks or vans roaming the neighborhood? I mean one of the worn out vans with box sticker ice cream pictures sprawled out across the side of the van with no windows. I was sitting in my house and that annoying ice cream music came playing through the neighborhood. I take a peek out my window and see this old van rolling past the street similar to the one in the picture and I think to myself… This has got to be some sort of underground scam going on. I mean who is really going to buy ice cream out of an ice chest from a guy in a van.
Well the first red flag is always why it’s usually middle aged men trying to market this product to children. I mean there can’t be a lot of profit in ice cream resale, can there? You would have to sell a lot of ice cream to make your down payment on the ice cream truck. I can also say that I have never honestly met someone who’s occupation is ice cream truck driver. Not only does that scream looser, but how do you really explain “ice cream truck driver” to your friends? “I just really love children” is already taken by Michael Jackson and probably worse than the real answer of two felony convictions and can’t get a job anywhere else.
Aside from the aforementioned creepy implications of ice cream resale, I can’t get past the whole idea of a bunch of trucks driving around in lower to middle class neighborhoods blasting that stupid music. If I were forced into the underground world of ice cream deliveries, I would take the Grand Theft Auto approach and use it as a front for selling other goods; watches, paper goods, office supplies. I mean think about it most ice cream truck sales are cash, and the obnoxious music is an excellent way to let your best customers know that you’re open for business. Without assuming too much I would be astonished to find that I cannot be the first person to come up with this idea.